And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize