Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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