Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
