In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
