It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
