we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
