My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
