mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
