I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize