break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
