I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's like iHOP with fire
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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