On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
