When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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