high people should be assigned attendants
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
