My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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