All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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