i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
