If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
