woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
