We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
