Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
