Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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