I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
