I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
