I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
