I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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