is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
