Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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