I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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