Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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