omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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