she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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