Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize