I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
