Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
