Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize