Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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