I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
