It's like God shit irony all over that family
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's official drugs can't kill me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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