I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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