I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
