I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize