proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
