Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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