the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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