i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
