don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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