Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
