look no pants
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
