What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
