Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
