I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
