new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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