First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Congratulations! We have a period
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
