How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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