He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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