Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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