At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just google imaged poop.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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