I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
