True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize