Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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