i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
