God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
