I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
