I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
