have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
