U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
