wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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