Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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