five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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