You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
