That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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