with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
