so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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