I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
