Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
